Why would I want to expose our divorce warts?

Written by Holly Hampton


Why in the world would I want to expose my family’s extremely personal separation and divorce experience? I still don’t have a convincing answer to that question yet but the ugly stuff comes to mind first and makes me think of many reasons NOT to disclose our flaws.

1. It’s scary
2. It’s embarrassing
3. People will judge us
4. People will publicly trash us
5. I’m afraid of what our families, friends and colleagues will think
6. I’m afraid of the consequences of everything above

However, as I try to shove those reasons under a rug for a while, as some of us southern women typically do, I see several stronger reasons to welcome people into our little divorce rollercoaster which seem to overshadow what’s currently under the rug.

1. It’s therapeutic
2. Documenting things may help my children understand more about what we were thinking as they get older, smarter and have more specific questions
3. The cordial and civilized approach we are taking to separation and divorce and the results thus far seem to be fairly unique – or at least rare
4. I hope it will be helpful for others
5. It will help me channel the energy in a constructive manner as opposed to channeling it towards vodka


THE TIPPING POINT - “SHUT UP AND BLOG ABOUT IT”

The “quit your bitchin’" and just blog about it mantra came a few weeks ago during a dinner meeting with colleagues. One of the individuals at the meeting told a sad story about a working woman who has recently been diagnosed with a terminal illness and very little time to live. This woman has worked for her company as long as she can remember and they suggested she take the time she has left and do the things in life she enjoys. To everyone’s surprise, the woman has no desire to do anything but work. She has no hobbies, outside interests or projects and wants to work at the same job until she passes because that’s her most comfortable environment. That’s what did it for me. I have no real hobbies. I have very few non-career interests and have, by virtue of my career, my husband’s career, my children and all that their activities entail, isolated myself from most of the friends I once enjoyed. The more I thought about the dinner conversation, the more energized I became about documenting our story and sharing it with whomever wanted to hear about it. For better or worse, here it comes...

Throughout the course of sharing the ups and downs of our rollercoaster separation and inevitable divorce, I will attempt to accurately, fairly and objectively convey the things our family has been challenged with and the path we’ve taken in an attempt to resolve each of the problematic, though at times very funny, issues. I realize that there are always at least two sides to every story - and I am telling only one of those. However, my husband will be sharing his views on either the topics of discussion I raise – or others as he sees fit – without any editing from me (an extremely scary component of this whole project, by the way). No matter how frightening it is to me, I believe this will accomplish several things.

1. It will keep me honest
2. My husband will correct me if I’m wrong about something or misstate a fact
3. My husband will share perspective I may not have considered
4. I hope the two of us working together will underscore the message that people CAN work together in a positive and healthy way while separated, untangling their lives or proceeding with divorce for the love of their children (or just to be kind)

I believe our ability to work together in a cordial and civilized manner is rooted by the fact that we both, by far, love our children more than anything else and will always put their needs above our own.